Bury the Man, Carry the Hero Part I

And so the mask must come back on.  I complain and get upset time and time again that I have to be this hero with his life completely together.  I scream for the chance to be “normal” so that I can have my moment to cry or my moment to vent but I realized today that that won’t be possible.  Try as I may, I have to be the one to put a smile on.  I have to be the one to show everyone there’s a reason to keep fighting.  It’s my blessing and it’s my curse.  As much as it pains me, I’ve got to bury it deep down and be the hero I need to be.

Reboot Part III

It’s hard looking back at the life you left and seeing that it’s still moving on without you there.  It’s even worse realizing that you didn’t have as much of an impact as you think you did.  No one ever wants to play second string but it’s so difficult not wanting to fight to be first string.  I’m everything I wanted to be living in this new place.  I’m popular, honest, and finally not hiding behind anything but it’s a reminder that I was never number one to anyone back home.  I was never the one people changed their lives for.  Here’s hoping the blonde in front of me enjoys to party.

Safe in My Dreams Part II

Even my dreams are reflecting my thoughts now.  I used to use them as a place to escape, to get away from the issues, but now my issues are following me to my dreams.  You know what sucks?  When you know things could be better but they aren’t.  Or when you know that going left is the smarter choice but going right is the decision that was made.  I’m beyond frustrated and I have no one to talk to.  That’s the problem with being a hero.  There are very few people to truly count on.

Fickle Nature of a Cat Part II

The frustration of losing a friend is maddening.  I genuinely don’t think I’ll ever understand someone who just gives up.  We live in a world full of so many opportunities and possibilities and yet when it comes down to it, it’s so easy for someone to quit speaking and shut off completely.  Actions like that do nothing but show me how alone I really am and it’s enough to make me angry.  You may think I’m just homesick, but to be honest?  I’ve never loved being away from home so much.  I’m just not a fan of someone who expresses their “love” by completely shutting themselves off.  Cheers to that.  Now to get some photos uploaded.

Reboot Part II

I won’t always be here…I swore that.  It’s been a long time coming and I finally found my way out.  Sure there will be similar issues and battles and obstacles but I’ll finally be surrounded by new faces.  Faces of people that may appreciate me; people that will value the time they have with me.  Then again, maybe that’s just wishful thinking.  I guess anyone can get old and grow boring.  I’ll be accepted and celebrated until someone new comes in.  I guess it doesn’t matter, though.  I desperately needed this.

Just Tired of Fighting Part II

On the shelf.  Off the shelf.  On the shelf.  Off the shelf.  I’m yesterday’s gadget.  I’m great for a trip down memory lane but I don’t give off that new car smell anymore.  So you keep playing the hero to people who call when it suits them but every time it happens you diminish just a little more.  Just once I’d like to be at the forefront of someone’s mind and not an afterthought.  It’d be nice to be sought after instead of being depended on to just be there.  The truth is…I may not always be here and I think people take that for granted.

There’s Gotta Be a Reason Part IV

Nothing’s over until it’s over.  What a bunch of crap.  Sometimes things are just over.  Then why does everything feel so right?  I feel like I’m going crazy.  I’m not that guy who dwells on things and yet this I can’t shake.  It’s like a puzzle piece that just fits.  I can’t explain it any other way.  It’s not a puzzle piece I forced or a piece that’s “close but not quite”.  It’s a piece that fits perfectly…and I don’t think I’m the only one who feels it.  Doesn’t matter, though.  It’s over and I’ve got to deal with the sting.

Even Heroes Love Part II

Sometimes words must be said in order for things to progress.  Then again, sometimes words must be withheld in order for things to progress.  Say too much and you become desperate but say too little and you’re unconvincing.  What a world we live in.  With so much going on, the bad and the extremely difficult, why is it love and happiness become some of the hardest things to deal with?  So…do I talk or do I stay silent?  What good will any of it do?

Reboot Part I

Another year but with a new cast and new locations.  I feel like my world is ever changing but I’m staying exactly the same.  Same hair, same face, same suit, same crush.  I don’t know if it’s that I can’t let things go or that some things aren’t meant to be let go of yet.  Another year…and what do I have to show for it?  A confused mind, torn heart, and a career that…well…it’s not really even worthy enough to call it a career.  Here’s to another year of the same ol me, right?

Just Tired of Fighting Part I

If you’re waiting to see a sign then you’ve seen the best already.  Why is it whenever I try to put thoughts to paper it always comes out sounding like I’m some depressed rich kid who has no reason to be depressed.  The truth is I’m happy but the road isn’t easy.  In fact, it’s a constant uphill battle.  When will it end?  I feel so sure…but everything says I’m wrong.  I’m just tired of fighting.  Tired of questions.  I want answers.  I deserve answers.  I know the answer…

There’s Gotta Be a Reason Part III

Decisions in life, love, and happiness. There can only ever be one decision to make. We live with our choices, good or bad, and we learn to bend life around the steps we take. It sucks, though, realizing too late that one move to the right could have saved your life. Then again, moving to the right may not have done anything. Still, you know when you made a bad call and all you can do is live in regret or move forward and cover your disappointment with a mask. Wait, how many left turns did I just make?


Still Gotta Be Human Part II

There won’t ever be a person who understands exactly what it is I go through.  Period.  I’ll continue to do what I do but the decisions as to whether I should go right or left will never make sense to people.  If I question going right then all I get from people is, “Well, then you should go left.”  But it’s never as simple as that.  Never.  You stare down two paths that will carry you where you want to go and tell me which you’d choose.  Please.  And then get back to me before my suit wears thin.